Frequently Asked Questions

  1. What is "EABDSM"?
  2. Er... isn't that rather a lot?
  3. Like what?
  4. Wow - some of this stuff sounds scary!
  5. Some of these things sound kinda interesting - but I'm not sure where, or if, I'd fit in.
  6. So who's in EABDSM?
  7. Actually... I'd sooner nobody knew about this side of my life!
  8. You're a bunch of sick & dangerous perves, aren't you?
  9. OK. Stop waffling. What exactly does "EABDSM" do?
  10. What's a munch?
  11. Tell me about the play parties!
  12. And the outings?
  13. What about those private parties?
  14. So is there more?
  15. OK... I guess I'm interested... so how do I become a member of EABDSM?
  16. But I've been dreaming about this sort of stuff for half my life and now the idea of actually doing something about it makes me really, really nervous.
  17. And then?
  18. Anything else I need to know?

WHAT IS "EABDSM"?

The "EA" stands for "East Anglia", because we are all based in the East Anglia region of the UK, (mostly around Norwich and Cambridge). "BDSM" is the general term used to describe a very broad range of kinky activities that include: bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, and nearly all of the dressing-up fetishes that you can imagine.

ER... ISN'T THAT RATHER A LOT?

Yes it is! But BDSM is like a "pick-and-mix" sweetshop where participants focus on the stuff that interests them the most. The aim of EABDSM is to bring together people with complementary interests so that they can have fun in whatever ways they choose. And there are lots and lots of things to choose from!

LIKE WHAT?

Like: some enchanting people want to be tied up and others want to do the tying. Like: some naughty people want (or need!) to be spanked or whipped while others want to see them bent over their knees or attached to whipping crosses. Like: some people want to dress in rubber or leather (or very little indeed) while other more dignified ladies and gentlemen prefer to remain sedately dressed and admire the scenery.

WOW - SOME OF THIS STUFF SOUNDS SCARY!

The watchwords of the group are "sane, safe and consensual". We want to have fun but we want to do things that are within acceptable, predefined and safe limits. Naturally, everybody has their own different physical and psychological boundaries - which is why it's so important that people discuss and spell out their preferences before they get deeply involved with anything or anyone.

SOME OF THESE THINGS SOUND KINDA INTERESTING - BUT I'M NOT SURE WHERE, OR IF, I'D FIT IN.

In BDSM people assume roles and many people like to regularly switch roles so, if BDSM's your bag, you can play the whole field and we certainly don't expect anyone to have to slot into any pre-assigned categories.

Nor do we expect anybody to be stereotypes. Just because you may look a toughie or a cutie doesn't mean that that's the way you are. We want to give people a sensible framework to turn their kinky fantasies into realities.

SO WHO'S IN EABDSM?

It's a complete cross-section of the cosmopolitan East Anglian society. At the moment, over 700 people subscribe to the mail list. There are: young & old, white collar & blue collar,male & female, shy folk & loudmouths, drinkers & abstainers, singles & couples, beasts & beauties, students & pensioners. As the group grows, more and more people meet not only the kinky people who complement their own erotic interests but also people to form regular friendships.

ACTUALLY... I'D SOONER NOBODY KNEW ABOUT THIS SIDE OF MY LIFE!

It's useful to know that, in EABDSM, some people use their own names and some prefer anonymity and use pseudonyms. If you want to remain anonymous, it's no problem, just invent yourself a new name to suit your alter ego. It's quite normal.

YOU'RE A BUNCH OF SICK & DANGEROUS PERVES, AREN'T YOU?

Nope. In EABDSM you couldn't hope to meet a saner and more sensible bunch of people. The only dangerous lunatics that you're likely to encounter are the clubland drunks who swagger around the city a Saturday night. Anyone falling into this category who comes across EABDSM quickly drifts off because they just don't find that they have much in common with us, and vice-versa. We're just too sensible!

OK. STOP WAFFLING. WHAT EXACTLY DOES "EABDSM" DO?

It does things and holds events to bring like-minded people together in a variety of relaxed social and kinky situations. Some of these things are described elsewhere on this site in greater detail but, basically, there's Munches, play parties & outings.

WHAT'S A MUNCH?

A Munch is a pub evening which is held once a month. (See the Cambridge and Norwich pages of this site for details). The main purpose of a munch is a social get-together for BDSMers to meet and chat. Normal clothing is worn by most Munch-goers and you probably wouldn't notice much difference between a normal pub full of lively people and pub where a Munch was being held. Munches are friendly, relaxed and usually quite busy. Munches are also intended to be the first point of contact for anyone who wants to find out more about the EABDSM scene and there are always a few friendly faces ready for a relaxed chat with complete newcomers.

If you feel very shy about going to a first Munch, an alternative is to use the Group's "Meet & Greet" service. See the Meet & Greet page of this site for further details.

TELL ME ABOUT THE PLAY PARTIES!

We try to hold Play Parties every few months, usually in the private function rooms of pubs or clubs. They are open to everyone who has made themselves known at the Munches, or to the guests of known faces. There is a degree of dressing up (or down) and there will be various items of bondage equipment, such as: St. Andrew's crosses - to which people can be tied; cages - in which people can be put; spanking benches, whipping posts, etc. People often bring their own favourite whips and restraints to Play Parties hoping to try them out on each other. There is usually alcohol available, though many abstain and, whenever possible, there's a tea making facility (which many people seem to prefer). Some Play Parties include special events, like a Slave Market, where volunteers forgo their liberty to be auctioned for play or punishment.

AND THE OUTINGS?

Many members organise informal car shares to Munches in other parts of the region and to the more elaborate sorts of Play Parties that are on offer in London, Birmingham and in membership clubs. There are also excursions to fetish fairs and to whatever other events might be of interest to the region's kinksters. Outings such as picnics or cinema nights are also common.

WHAT ABOUT THOSE PRIVATE PARTIES?

Many groups of members, who have come to know each other and have similar interests, hold private parties for specially invited guests in their own homes. It would be considered very bad etiquette to discuss what might go on at these private parties... so I won't elaborate.

SO IS THERE MORE?

Oh yes! BDSM has generated its own massive subculture and the web is awash with details. If you want an insight into the much deeper world of BDSM try kicking off at Fetlife or use Google to find out about your own interests. 

OK... I GUESS I'M INTERESTED... SO HOW DO I BECOME A MEMBER OF EABDSM?

There is absolutely no membership procedure or protocol. Nor is there any joining fee.

If you have computer access, a sensible first step would be to sign join the geographically relevant groups on Fetlife or visit their websites. 

Next, and when you feel ready, you are welcome to come along to a munch (see the Munch page on this site for details). Attendance at a few Munches is usually enough for people to make friends and for you to be invited to the more secluded events. You must be over the age of 18 years. Some munches have differring age restrictions - check the munch information pages to be sure.

BUT I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS SORT OF STUFF FOR HALF MY LIFE AND NOW THE IDEA OF ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT MAKES ME REALLY, REALLY NERVOUS.

This is a very common feeling and nearly everybody who is taking their first steps into EABDSM feels the same way. What's more, everybody who is a part of EABDSM was once a starry-eyed novice - so we've all been there.

AND THEN?

And then come along to a Munch.

Sometimes complete newcomers want to have a face-to-face chat with somebody who has already gone down the BDSM path. This can usually be arranged by asking one of the munch organisers. See the Meet & Greet page of this site for further details.

ANYTHING ELSE I NEED TO KNOW?

Probably. If you've never been involved with BDSM before, it would be useful if you did a bit of homework on the web to find out about: "Doms", "Dommes", "subs", "switches", "Topping" "bottoming" "collaring" & "vanillas". You might also like to mug up on the different types of "play", on "safewords" and on "negotiating". I think it's important that you try to establish your own "orientation" and be comfortable to tell anybody in the group who might enquire, (this is a legitimate question simply because it's impossible for anyone to guess where you're coming from just by appearances).

 

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